If your toddler will wee in the toilet but won't poo there, you might feel caught between two stages. They can tell you when a wee is coming, but a poo still means hiding behind the couch, asking for a nappy or an accident in their pants.
Learning to poo in the toilet can take longer than learning to wee. A comfortable seat, a calm routine and less pressure can help, but pain or constipation needs attention too. Here is how to work out what your child might need, without turning every toilet visit into a negotiation.
Wees and poos do not always click at the same time
Your child managing wees does not mean they are deliberately refusing the next step. The toilet might feel unfamiliar for poos, or they might prefer the privacy and familiar feeling of a nappy. Raising Children Network's toilet training guide explains that learning to poo can take longer than learning to wee.
Notice the pattern before changing everything. Do they poo comfortably in a nappy but become upset at the toilet? Have their poos become hard or painful? Were they previously happy to poo in the toilet and have now stopped?
That last situation is a different starting point. Our toilet training regression guide covers a return to accidents after a child had been managing well. This guide is for the child whose wees have clicked but whose poos have not yet followed.
Check for discomfort before asking for more practice
A painful poo can make a child want to hold the next one in. Holding on can then make the problem harder. The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne's constipation advice describes this cycle and the signs parents can look for.
Hard poos, pain, straining or tummy aches are reasons to talk with your GP. Soiling can also happen with constipation, even when a child is passing some poo. Do not assume that dirty pants mean your child is being careless or that constipation is impossible. There is urgent-care advice below for constipation with fever, vomiting or blood in the poo.
If you are worried, seek advice rather than adding more toilet practice or choosing a more absorbent pair of pants. A product cannot tell you why your child is holding on, and this article cannot diagnose or treat constipation.
Make the toilet feel steady and comfortable
Try looking at the setup from your toddler's height. Can they sit securely, or are they balancing over a big opening with their feet dangling? A child-sized toilet seat and a sturdy footstool can make the position more comfortable. A potty is another option if that feels easier for your child.
Let them get used to the setup without insisting that every sit produces a poo. Keep a familiar book nearby, offer help with clothing and ask whether they would like you close by or a little more space.
Offer a short, relaxed toilet opportunity after a meal. If nothing happens after a few minutes, let them get off. Avoid keeping them there until they produce something. The aim is a comfortable opportunity, not a test they have to pass.
What if they ask for a nappy or hide to poo?
Start with a calm response: "You need to do a poo. I'm here to help." There is no need to make hiding into a confrontation, or to describe asking for a nappy as going backwards.
Ask what feels difficult. A toddler might not have a clear answer, so look for practical clues too: an unsteady seat, an uncomfortable poo or wanting some privacy. Invite them to try the bathroom with your support, without forcing a sit or treating the toilet as a deadline.
If removing the familiar option means your child starts holding on, speak with your GP or child and family health nurse about a gradual plan. There is no single timetable that suits every child. For a broader look at readiness, see our signs your toddler is ready for toilet training.
Keep accidents calm and the clean-up practical
A simple "Your pants need changing. Let's get you comfortable" is enough. Change soiled clothing promptly, help your child clean up and wash your hands. Avoid a long conversation about the accident while they are uncomfortable.
Keep spare pants and an easy change of clothes within reach. If childcare or another adult is helping, agree on the same calm wording so your child is not getting a different message from everyone.
Praise a useful step, such as telling you they need to go or trying a comfortable sit. There is no need to make producing a poo the only thing worth noticing. For reusable pairs, follow the care label and our washing guide for training pants and underwear.
Where training pants and underwear fit in
Choose daytime clothing around the wees your child is actually having, not as a way to solve poo refusal. Our Toilet Training Pants have a thicker absorbent cotton core for small daytime wee misses. They are worn on their own and need changing after an accident. They are not made for naps or overnight, and a full wee can exceed their capacity.
For a child who is mostly dry with wees and has only an occasional small miss, our lighter Toilet Training Underwear may suit that daytime stage. It has a slimmer absorbent layer, not the thicker core of our training pants. Neither option treats constipation, guarantees poo containment or makes a child learn faster.
Our training pants versus training underwear guide explains the difference if you are choosing between them. Comfortable clothing is practical support while your child learns, not the answer to every toileting difficulty.
When to ask for extra help
Talk to your GP if your child is holding on, poos hurt, soiling keeps happening or you are concerned about constipation. You do not have to wait for toilet training to be "finished" before asking.
Seek emergency care if constipation is accompanied by fever, vomiting or blood in the poo. Healthdirect explains these warning signs.
Continence Health Australia's guidance on children's bladder and bowel control explains why ongoing soiling needs understanding and support, not blame. Its National Continence Helpline is available on 1800 33 00 66.
A brief note of when poos happen, whether they hurt and when accidents occur can help you describe the pattern to a health professional. Follow their advice for your child rather than trying medicines or a treatment plan from a blog.
The bottom line
Wees clicking before poos does not mean your toddler has failed, or that you need to push harder. Check comfort first, keep toilet opportunities short and calm, and make accidents an ordinary clean-up rather than a big event.
If there is pain, holding on or ongoing soiling, get support. The next helpful step might be a steadier seat, a less pressured routine or advice from your GP. It does not have to be another purchase.
Nico
Founder, Rudie Baby and Budi
